I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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