the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
