Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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