I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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