I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
