What a fucking waste of an outfit
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
