omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
