thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
