In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
