and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
