I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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