i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
