Cold hands, warm shart.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Two words: blizzard sex
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize