I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
