would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize