i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My breasts were aching with rage.
40s are totally the cure
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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