I just threw up on my dentist
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
