3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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