Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize