What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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