We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
