Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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