these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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