And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
