what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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