i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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