We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
