I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Boobs speak an international language.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
