tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
