I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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