I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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