Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
