Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize