I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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