Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
