she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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