I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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