Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
