Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
