I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
