Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
