after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
