A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
