Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
