yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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