I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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