I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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