the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
