If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
