i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
