is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Less talking, more tequila
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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