2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
