we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
