i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
