hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
