As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
