Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
