Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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