so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
