He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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