I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
