I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
