I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
