Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The adults are the big ones right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize