i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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