He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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