isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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