found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
whose parrot is this?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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